Sunday, December 23, 2012

I'm Kissing AND Telling...MUAHAHAHA

Oh dear lord, how long has it been since I actually used this goddamn thing? Oh wait, not that long. Just few days ago. Hmmm, who tricked me into blogging?! Oh yes it was Janet, otherwise known as the Carebear of Debauchery. Yes that is her official title. No, she has no problem with it. Yes, she wears it with pride. (rubbing temples) Okay what was my point here?

(snaps fingers) Feck...I thought I had it and...ah there it goes! I've been writing! (jazz hands) Not impressed? Yeah, me either. Its kind of my job and everything you know? Blah, blah, blah. To produce interesting hilarious shizz for the masses and watch them enjoy the hotness and joy that I bring when I allow my fingertips to tickle the ivor--er--keyboard. So here I am again, my muse in full play and bringing me some of my best work yet.
Grand isn't it? I think so. (rubbing hands together) My recent project? Oh just an extremely gorgeous, alpha, cranky Samoan fireman with lots of cocky. See what I did there? (eyebrow waggle) Oh c'mon! That was gold people! GOLD!!! (sigh) Whatevs. Said fireman was one of my most beloved of characters from my newest work "Kiss and Tell." Why you ask? Because he's insane! Insanity and I blend well. Very well. Should I be admitting that? No, no, probably not. I don't want to be committed...they tried...once. Stop judging me!
Okay, the thing is I'm taking a page out of the book of the great Billy London, mainly because she's awesome at what she does as are many of the writers I know but Billy has the special brand of zaney humor that leaves me wide eyed and highly amused. Kind of like when I set flame to something. Yeah, once again, that's probably something I shouldn't admit. Anyways! Billy did something I found amazing. She interviewed one of her male leads and it was, needless to say, hilarious as shit. After I read it, Maikao Iona--my fireman--started bugging me to give him a chance to speak publicly about the tribulations of being in love with your bestfriend. Now mind you, his story is finished and in the process of edits therefore this interview will give you a quick glimpse of my favorite man thus far.
Ah, yes, before I introduce you to him I'd like you to direct your attention to this link here just for a moment-- when I was younger my mother used to recite this verse from the bible that basically said "Give honor where honor is due." Or was that out of a self help novel? Maybe a cookbook? (shrug) I dunno. I said stop judging me! Once again, back to the point that I keep losing. That link up top (gestures to it) Is what will take you to Billy's blog and her interview with Novak the Zombie for your viewing pleasure. No, no, don't click it yet! Wait until I'm done holding your attention with adorable anecdotes. And here we go:

NW: This is how this interview is going to go Mak. You will answer what I ask you, in a manner that is respectful and attractive. At no point shall my panties be mentioned in this.
MI: But--
NW: What did I say? Want me to write you in a short where Addison gets the urge to fulfill those long time threats of kicking you in the--
MI: (winces) No, no, lets not do that.
NW: (nods) Good. Now lets get started shall we?
MI: (eyeing me) Like I have a choice...
NW: What was that?
MI: (innocent blink) Nothing.
NW: (smirk) How about you tell everyone a little about yourself?
MI: Are we talking about the Mak that you created before I fucked Addie in the elevator or...
NW: Maikao!
MI: What?! It was a serious question! I sincerely want to know if you think the people should be aware of who I was before.
NW: (growl) Talk to them about who you were before you and Addie made love--
MI: (chuckle) Oh no, we fucked. You made us fuck. Admit it.
NW: I am two seconds off you having a tragic accident that leaves you a eunuch and Addison looking for another love.
MI: (snort) As if she could...
NW: Maikao...
MI: (sigh) Alright, alright (eye roll) I was what you love to refer to as a "man-whore." I enjoyed my fair share of the opposite sex and then one night this zaney, adorable little woman with her ass hanging halfway out of her gown because of an unfortunate incident that we still don't know the origin of, came along. (small smile) I was lost. I started to make a move on her then I realized I couldn't. Not because she kind of scared me--although she did--but because she wasn't like the others. She was my friend before I knew it. I loved her laugh and her smile and her intellect. She had a way about her that excited me and frightened me. I didn't have a goddamn clue what to do when she decided she wanted to start dating the man who's like a brother to me.
NW: Did you know you were in love then?
MI: (shakes head) I had no idea. I just understood that whenever I was near her, she made me feel...
NW: Right?
MI: Yes. (nod) And horny...really horny...
NW: My God man can you just keep the sexual details to yourself?
MI: It's your fault! You wrote me to bleed machismo. (brow waggle) Allow the people to enjoy it.
NW: What you bleed is assholery.
MI: (pout) That's not nice.
NW: Neither is what I'm going to do to you if you don't straighten up.
MI: (lip twitch) Why Nikki, are you flirting with me? Because it feels like you're flirting with me.
NW: Oh dear lord...
MI: I mean I'm flattered but my wife--the one you wrote who's constantly threatening my balls--may take issue with that.
NW: And this conversation is over...
MI: Wait! Let me tell them about the rabbit!
NW: (points to door) Get out Mak.
MI: But...but...
NW: I made you a fireman right?
MI: (nod) Correct.
NW: Do you know what my nickname is among my fellow authors?
MI: (brow raise)
NW: (whispers) The Pyro.
MI: (stands) And I'll just be saying good-bye now.
NW: Oh but Mak, I thought you had more to say?
MI: (heading for door) No, no, it's fine.
NW: You'll be back at some point right? (big grin) Or at least you'll send Eli?
MI: (snort) That asshole doesn't know how to entertain the way I do.
NW: (smirk) That's not the opinion Addison had at one point now was it?
MI: (frown) Low blow Nikki, low blow.
NW: (chuckle) Sorry, I couldn't help it.
MI: (shakes head) No. Too late. I'm gone. I'll speak to you again when you learn how to not damage my poor wounded heart. (mock sniff) I'm going home to my wife...for some therapy...and snuggling...and dirty stuff brought on by the snuggling...
NW: (still laughing as the door slams)

And there it is folks. Maikao "Mak" Iona. He along with the love of his life will be making their literary debut soon enough. There was naughty jokes and funny innuendos along with the threats of important bits and plenty of steamy scenes to keep you right on the edge of your seat and wanting more. If that glimpse of the funny Fireman wasn't enough for you, just stay tuned because despite what he says, he'll be back. And he's bringing a few friends with him...

Thursday, December 20, 2012


You've come so far and yet have more to go. Click on the BTP author's names to collect more riddle answers. Once you have all 11 answers collected email Three lucky winners will be chosen at random to receive a $10 BTP gift certificate. Contest closes at 12 am 12.22.12.

My riddle!
When I am filled,
I can point the way;
When I am empty,
Nothing moves me.
I have two skins,
One without and one within.
What am I?




Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Heart Shaped Hogan by RaeLynn Blue

Anybody but me just love tiny people? Mainly because when you're only average height they make you feel like a giant. Rae is one of those tiny people even though she has a big presence. Every time I got to stand next to her at the Meet and Greet, smiling was inevitable because she's so cute. Irony of ironies? Even though I stand over her by at least a foot she calls me "Little one" but it doesn't bother me considering the fact that she's one of my many big sisters and nicknames from them are more than welcome. Anyways, I said all of that to get to the point that Rae doesn't just have a big presence in person but she also has one in writing. Her style is versatile, almost chameleon like. She fits into the Scifi spectrum with ease since its one of her favorite genres. She also does paranormal well and last but not least, romance. One of her latest shorts was centered around none other than the grand Valentine's Day. In A Heart Shaped Hogan we get a glimpse of two familiar faces that you might recognize from previous tales like Lasso A Lover and Something Deeper: Cashmere Sky, Lee Stone and Tank Begaye. Lee's not your typical girl so she doesn't want the typical Valentine's Day. The regular card, candy, teddy bear just won't do. Can't say I disagree. I think everybody wants something that took some serious planning and consideration for their special day. Being that Lee and Tank have had one disastrous V-Day after another she just wants ONE that goes perfectly. What she doesn't know is Tank has all that she needs in store for her. Although this is a short, as usual Rae managed to get in a great back story, character personas that MAKE you like both Lee and Tank, and even more importantly A LOT of heat. Valentine's Day may have long passed but you can still catch the love bug with this sweet tale of two lovers who just want a day where things go right.

Wrangling Letty by Drea Riley

I'm not even gonna make small talk here folks because I'm too busy being infactuated with the dynamic duo that is Leticia "Letty" Cloudwalker and the oh so desirable Jeramy Saldana. If you've read Slow Bucking than you got intorduced to Regina Cloudwalker's very outspoken and incredibly funny cousin and business partner, Letty. I do believe you also got to hear a little of what she and Jeramy, her and Regina's former foreman, liked to do with their spare time when the barn was empty and the mood was right. In this lovely ditty you catch up with the secret couple a few years down the line to find that Jeramy is struggling with finally accomplishing his dream to have a ranch of his own meanwhile Letty's struggling with whether or not she should take her relationship with the cowpoke any further. Being that she needs someone to take over Regina's side of their ranch since her cousin married off before getting good and pregnant and Jeramy actually NEEDS to get married to appease his crazy old ornery uncle in order to get his inheritance so he can finally afford to have a ranch, Letty does the unthinkable and proposes that they get married. Jeramy's hesistant at first because he doesn't think Letty realizes the extent of how much he truly loves her. So much so that he passed up another good woman who would've been perfect for their odd situation because he just couldn't see himself being with anyone else BUT Letty. Now Jeramy has a year to prove that he wants so much more than a business relationship with his former boss while desperately trying to achieve all his goals. Unfortunately for Jeramy he doesn't realize he's accomplishing one but failing at the other until Letty decides to teach him a little lesson on how to properly appreciate a loving wife--even if they got married for all the wrong reasons to begin with. Letty takes off leaving behind a ransom letter of her own making, fully expecting her cowboy to take a hint and come scoop her up so they can ride off into the sunset. While Jeramy fully intends to find his wife, he's not so sure they'll be riding off anywhere. Mainly because as far as he's concerned Letty may not be able to sit on a chair for a week after he tans her ass good and proper for ever doubting how much she means to him. Ranch work forgotten, Jeramy has only one goal, wrangling Letty. C'mon and take the wild ride that is Drea's prose folks. You know you wanna.

B-Rated Valentine by Naomi Jones

And I'm BACK!!!! Hello world!!! Did you miss me? Of course you did! I mean seriously, who wouldn't? I bring joy and light wherever I go and if you happen to be someone who disagrees with that fact you can squarely kiss my ass. Now, enough about me. Time to get down to business. What business would that be you ask? REVIEWS!!! Why? Because I've been slacking on them as of late and I'm surprised my corner is still intact. To kick this party off we're gonna start with B-Rated Valentine by Naomi Jones. If you know NJ then you know she has a love for those really bad B-rated movies that premiere on Syfy every week. I dunno why but the mutilation of humans by the claws, fanged mouths and or other dangerous body parts from lab created monsters seems to really make her day. Hence the name of her first story at BTP. So I have a question. Anybody ever experience the perils of having an asshole for a spouse who you can't seem to shake and they're standing in the way of the person you're REALLY supposed to be with? I do believe we've ALL had that problem at time...or two...some of us three but I'm not judging, I'm just pointing it out. Funny thing is Naya Hamilton just so happened to have that same issue. An asshole for a boyfriend who couldn't see past his own insecurities for just a few minutes and appreciate who and what he had in a relationship. Really sad that Dagger Romero--gorgeous wolf shifter--and close friend of Naya had to step in and save the day. Dagger's always had a thing for Naya. She aroused more than his body, she captured his heart. So when Naya's little pipsqueak of a human asshole gives her an ultimatum to either choose him or her academic career and she chooses her academic career, Dagger sees this as the perfect opportunity to make all his wolfie mating dreams come true. Every thing just falls perfectly into place when with the help of Naya's older sister, Regine, he finds out his soon to be mate is taking a vacation in Regine's cabin. The only question is, can he convince Naya to be his B-Rated Valentine? This story had just the right amount of what I like to call "giggle and sigh." Its when you alternate every other page between giggling and sighing at how adorable Dagger's canine like persistence is. Add that to the fact that it's not HIS tail he's chasing and you have a recipe for some surprising heat. My recommendation? Find a corner and get to reading.